


when you´re alone (I´m holding on)

by Noducksinpond



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/M, Population: me, Spoilers for Pilot: Part 2, welcome to Denial town
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 02:53:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5851348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noducksinpond/pseuds/Noducksinpond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She pulled the knife out, she knows it has the encryption on it, but she´s not going to read it. Not again. Maybe that´s stupid. She´s still going to think about Carter, whenever she sees the poem. It´s a tossup between seeing Khufu, and seeing Vandal stabbing her with it, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when you´re alone (I´m holding on)

**Author's Note:**

> So, this show is fun.....
> 
> Occasionally, writing kind of ends up being a way to deal with pain and misery caused to me by TV-shows and that just so happens to be the case here as well.

_And though my soul departs the Earth_

_I count my days till my rebirth_

_..._

It takes them exactly 4 months, 12 days and 6 hours after Carter dies to kill Vandal Savage. Kill him for good. The moment Kendra´s blade hits his heart; she knows they´re done. She´ll never have to see him again. She sees the look in his eyes, the same look he had given Chay-ara so many years ago, like she had betrayed him. But he hadn´t understood it, he never had. She has already delivered the killing blow, but she stabs him again, and again. He killed Carter. Savage had killed her so many times, most of her nightmares were about him at this point. She pulled the knife out, she knows it has the encryption on it, but she´s not going to read it. Not again. Maybe that´s stupid, she´s still going to think about Carter, whenever she sees the poem. It´s a tossup between seeing Khufu, and seeing Vandal stabbing her with it, really.

“Kay, you did it. He´s gone.” Sara pulls her up from the ground, in one swift motion, and Kendra suddenly feels slack. It has been in the back of her mind, getting her revenge, ever since Carter died, and it´s done now. It is terrifying, realizing that she has no idea what to do now. Everything in her head, all her memories told her, what she was supposed to do now, was be with Carter. But she couldn´t be, because Carter was dead. Kendra looked down on her hands, and clenched her fists tightly, her nails digging into her palms. “He´s gone now,” Sara repeated.

Kendra had good friends here, she liked everyone, even Snart and Mick. Most of the time, she was happy. But they weren´t- She felt a lump form in her throat, and she swallowed hard. Sara was still clearly intent on helping Kendra keep her balance. They moved back towards the Wave Rider, even though Kendra knew the other woman hated leaving a fight behind. Kendra appreciated it. She was hurt a little, but she´d be okay with Gideon´s help, it wasn´t worth worrying about right now. They had almost made it to the time ship, when she heard the voice. “Kendra?”

She was a realistic person at heart, sure she´d had big dreams in her life, but mostly she stuck to thinking logically and realistically. Which was why she froze in place, as she heard it, her entire body tensing up. It wasn´t him. He was dead. You held him. He died. You saw Vandal suck his power from him. It´s not him. But if it wasn´t him, why did Sara turn around? Why could Kendra feel her pulling her a little along with her? Her fists were clenched even tighter, as she finally turned around.

“Chay-ara? Kendra Saunders? That´s you isn´t it?” he asked, more unsure than she´d ever heard him. It would almost have been funny. Kendra couldn´t reply, her words stuck in her throat. Impossible things didn´t just happen. She wasn´t supposed to see Carter until their next life together, or never again. That was how they worked. It was how they´d always worked. So why was she standing there, staring at him, completely floored by the reality, that this wasn´t actually a dream? But then again, when had she ever really cared about the rules? Kendra took a careful step forward, Sara loosening her grip.

“Yes,” she replied shakily, looking at him as she came to a halt. In reality, she couldn´t stop looking at him. But really in this situation, could you blame her? He´d just been dead for four months, and in the meantime, she´d remembered all their history. She continued her walk. Pain shot up her leg. She hadn´t even realized that she was hurt. She gritted her teeth. Her voice was small, when she spoke again. But she felt oddly hopeful. She wasn´t that lucky, but maybe she would be. Just for once. Didn´t she deserve to be cut some slack after all this. “And you´re- you´re Carter Hall right? I mean- Khufu?”

All he did was nod, but she didn´t need anything else. It was him, it had to be him. It was Carter. Kendra set into a run, she didn´t think about her leg, she didn´t think about how exhausted and wrecked she was. She didn´t think about the fact, that she hadn´t slept in what felt like half a lifetime. Instead, she just ran and clashed into Carter, wrapping her arms around him so tightly, she could have choked the life out of him again. Which was not the plan – just to clarify. She buried her face in the nape of his neck, it was him. It really was him, it couldn´t be anyone else. She instantly knew. You know someone pretty well after 4000 years, after all. “Kendra-“ he whispered her name under his breath. “Chay-ara, I am so sorry.”

“Where were you?” she asked quietly, and let out a small sob, not being able to hold it in. Carter cradled the back of her head, and the soft touch of his fingers made her shudder. The collective memories of him touching her like this in all her lives, made her head swim and her heart sing. She´d missed him so much, god – she´d missed him so much. “You were dead Khufu, where were you?”

“On Thanagar,” he whispered apologetically. Kendra recalled Shayera Thal´s visit to Earth a couple of months ago, the Thanagarian guardian hadn´t said anything about Carter. Had she known? Had she not? She´d asked Kendra, where Hawkman was, and she´d had to say it as it was. He was dead, and he wasn´t coming back. Other than that, they´d only talked about how to destroy Savage. If she saw the Thanagarian woman again, she would have to ask her. “I don´t know, how they did it, but they brought me back to my life as Carter Hall.” His voice was so much softer, as he spoke again that it almost caught her off guard. Almost. “I just can´t believe I get to see you again.”

“You think you´re the only one?” Kendra bit back, smiling at him through her tears. For a moment, they just stared at each other, and Kendra drank up the sight of him. He was here, he wasn´t her imagination, he was here. And he could stay, because Savage was dead. She´d killed him. But that didn´t feel like the most important thing to tell him. She brushed her hand along his cheekbone, and he drew in a sharp breath, as he leant into her touch slightly. “I remembered- I remembered everything right as you died. Darling- my love, I have missed you so much.”

Kendra kissed him then, moving towards him in one swift movement. Carter responded to it instantly, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. They knew each other so well, they didn´t have to worry about being careful or about taking their time or whatever. His mouth opened instantly, as she buried her fingers in his hair, and she sucked on his bottom lip. She still didn´t care about destiny, who she did care about, was Carter. And the fact, that it felt like everything was going to be okay, because Carter was back. She leant in to kiss him again, this time managing to kind of ruin it, by smiling into the kiss.

But it felt so nice to be able to kiss him again, and know that everything was going to be alright. They slowly pulled away from each other after a long moment, and it was a little embarrassing how she practically trailed after him. But he gave her a small warm smile, until something suddenly flickered across his face. “You´re hurt,” he said quietly, very obviously concerned. That wasn´t exactly something new.

“I´m fine,” she reassured him, because all she wanted to do was stay here with him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and started moving, she followed him for a reluctant step before coming to a halt once more. He stopped and gave her a look. She´d almost forgotten how much, she liked being around him. Both in this life, and all the lives that had come before. “Carter, I´m fine,” she tried again, but even she could hear, how unconvincing that sounded.

“No, you´re not, you need to get on board the Wave Rider,” he argued back, and pressed a kiss against the top of her head. Kendra rolled her eyes, ignoring the warmth in her chest, when he did that. She pressed her palm flat against his lower back, resting her head against his shoulder. “I´m not letting you stay hurt, just after I got you back.”

“Fine,” she muttered under her breath, leaning against him, as they moved back towards the ship. It was odd, but Kendra felt warmer, as she was leaning against Carter. She wasn´t just leaning on him for support, it genuinely felt nice to be this close to him. Like he was warming her up from the outside in, as odd as that sounded. Kendra couldn´t help smiling a big wide smile, a smile she saw echoed in a quiet smile from Sara, as the two of them passed by her.

“Nice to see you again, Carter,” Sara said and clapped Carter´s other arm.  Carter smiled, and it was nice to see it. Kendra looked up at him, and he smiled again. He hugged her a little tighter, as Sara informed the others over the com, that once they were done with the cronies, they should probably come back to the Wave Rider. There was a surprise waiting for them. Kendra couldn´t help smiling at Snart´s annoyed reply, as Carter helped her towards the med bay.

...

_I will wait across eternity_

_For my love to come back to me_


End file.
